Childhood grief and loss

When I first started working with children, I started contemplating the benefits of therapy for this young population. The gist of my idea is this… if there’s a way to support children in identifying emotions, practicing coping skills, experiencing a trusting and safe environment with the therapist… how much that might benefit them to learn and have an understanding of these ideals earlier on and how that can better position them in this place of emotional and self regulation, interpersonal connection, and overall enhanced self awareness. 

In this light, we can see how working with minors in this place of grief and loss that we’ve been discussing can encourage them to engage in a healing process such that it doesn’t carry over and impact functioning and relationships in adulthood. 

Frears and Schneider further discuss the need for ongoing research and understanding of the grief process that children experience. Not just death related, but also any change such as divorce, moving, switching schools can activate feelings around grief and loss. Say, for example, if a child experiences such an event and all of a sudden their grades drop or their mood changes… it’s not just a matter of “get over it… do better.” There’s a real benefit, and a great need, to take the time to understand what thoughts and feelings might be coming up for that child as they adjust to new environments, systems, and the like SO THAT parents, teachers, and other important people in client’s social circles can seek how to meet the client where they’re at and strive to provide them with optimal support. 

“Grief experienced by a child or adolescent is often lost within the adult and family dynamic making reconstruction of an identity to accommodate changing life circumstances all the more critical.” - Brooke and Miraglia.  Recognizing my own limitations with art therapy and CCPT

Encouraging family therapy and support. Research backs the idea that family support is strong predictive factor of successful outcomes in many respects. Same applies with grief and loss. We’ve discussed the importance of support for successful navigation through grief. “A child’s ability to cope following a loss seems to be influenced by the remaining parent’s ability to provide support while also managing their own grief.” Support systems don’t just have to come from the parents. Daycare, teachers, other extended family members can all share in supporting the child through this difficult time. Some examples might include:

Stories and reflect on characters in the book- 

Box of memories- photos, personal items of deceased, 

rituals/ customs esp as related to culture - lighting a candle, a celebration altar 

Writing a letter- sometimes they fantasize about the person returning. 

In episodes 28 and 29, we spoke with LMFT Mateus Porter. He encouraged the aspect of support. He also emphasized that our experiences around grief and loss and the thoughts, emotions, and reactions we have in response to them matter. Check out this episode with Mateus where he encourages the practice of honoring our experience by identifying and processing emotions that are coming up and learning how to understand and regulate them.